I sewed Rice myself for home economics class in grade seven. He was so named because, well, he was filled with rice. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
After *cough* years, Rice started to smell. It was that stale stank of old rice that has lived in one too many basements. Rice was so worried and self-conscious. Did the other Friends hate him now? Was he trash? What would happen to him? What would he be without his guts? A sad sack, that’s what. A very sad sack indeed.
(Not to be confused with Guts the Shark Friend.)
Rice sat and worried and worried about his problem, when Prince came up to him.
“Ahhhh Mr. Rice. You are worried about your putrid smell, yes?”
“Prince, please,” Rice responded wearily. “Not now.”
“Ahhhh, but Prince can solve your problem,” the toad coooed. “You need new guts, Mr. Rice. Only a total gut replacement will do.”
“Gut replacement,” the homemade frog replied. “But without my guts, I won’t be me.”
“Oh, no. No no no no no non,” Prince admonished. “You are not your guts. Your guts stink, Mr. Rice. They really, really stink. They need to go. You know, really Mr. Rice. You will feel better and very much yourself.”
“Oh yes, you will feel better than you have in years, Mr. Rice. Just think of your spiffy new polyester gutsssssss.”
“Polyester?!?! But then I won’t be me!”
“Oh Mr. Rice, you will be sooooo much better,” Prince said in his exagerated French accent. “And you will never smell as absolutely terrible as you do right now. Most of the other Friends are polyester, Mr. Rice. Not everyone can be premium beanie baby like Prince.”
“I know, but I’m Rice,” Rice lamented. “I don’t want to change my name to Polyester.”
“Oh hahahaha! Oh Mr. Rice, you do not have to change your name,” the occasionally wise, always arrogant toad laughed heartily. “Mr. Rice, Mr. Rice, Mr. Rice, you are very funny for a frog. Oh ho ho ho ho ho oh!”
Rice did not look amused.
“No, you are very much Mr. Rice, Mr. Rice,” the toad got serious. “You know, Prince calls you Mr. Rice as a sign of respect. Perhaps your new name shall be Mr. Rice.”
“Mr. Rice,” the frog said hesitantly.
“Say it louder, Mr. Rice!”
“Mr. Rice! Mr. Rice! Mr Riiiiiiiiicccccccceeeeee!!!!!!!”
“You kno-ow, Prince is looking for a best friend,” Prince said, wiggling his eyebrows if he had any. “Mr. Rice, if you would do me the honour of best friending. Perhaps weeeeeeeee could have many adventure together.”
So Mr. Rice was blessed with a new name and new polyester guts by Dr. Troy and he and Prince are still best friends and have many wacky hijinks together, some of which will appear in this very blog.
Mr. Rice learned that it’s what’s on the outside that counts when you’re a stuffy Friend (and especially when friends with Prince).