Time To Live Again

Ok, so here’s the dealio, yo. This has been a frenetic month. And year. And however fucking long it’s been since I’ve written anything here. I keep saying “I need to write” but I never “have the time”. When I’m out, I’m busy busy busy and when I’m home I’m sleeping sleeping sleeping or watching TV with my eyes closed. Never time, never time.

Well, fuck that! I’m writing this on the subway, on my way to an appointment, then a workshop, then a walk-in counselling clinic. I’m publishing it from the hospital wi-fi. It’s time to take back control over my life, no what matter what the fuck is going on in it. Things are not ever going to fully settle down. I have chronic, progressive, incurable diseases. That will never change.

Great Potato, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

So many of us with chronic illnesses live with crushing uncertainty. It feels like we’re shuffling from doctor to doctor trying to find answers that never come. And sometimes the answer is “there’s nothing more we can do” and that’s the most crushing answer of all. I know it’s not just me who lives this way. We’re fucking legion out there.

It’s time to take back the reins and be the drivers of our lives.

It’s time to live again.